everchanging view

 do you ever feel like you got it right?  

i mean, you've checked off the list.  and everything was perfect.

you made an exquisite meal out of organic ingredients that you have in your sparkling fridge because you always have things on hand.

your children behaved like perfect angels, were polite and chatty with adults, but not annoying.
you worked your plan, because you are always organized.  and happy.

you've loved the people, and you've been a happy camper, and you looked good while you were doing it. (yes, i'm shallow.  that matters to me in a perfect world)

your christmas shopping is done and everything is wrapped.

you have all the ingredients to make grandma's ginger snaps whenever your husband comes in and says 'let's bake some cookies together tonight.  i cancelled my business trip and guys night out to be home with you.  in fact, let me and the kids bake the cookies.  you just sit down and have a glass of wine and entertain us with you wittiness.'


in fact, would that be getting it right?  and if you did perchance do all these things (like yesterday...and please don't tell me if you did) was it satisfying?  did it make your life complete?
what is it about feeling like we have it all together that makes happy?  why aren't we ok with less than this?  why do we aspire to this?  and why do we want everyone to THINK we have it all together?  why do we (i) try to look like i do when i really don't. 


yesterday, i stayed in my pjs til my kids came home, sitting at the kitchen table catching up on a gazillion emails, and paying bills, and changing appointments.  my christmas tree isn't decorated.
i have a ton of laundry to fold.  i have two christmas parties to decorate for, cook for, and attend in the next two days.  (i think i still want to go??)  i haven't wrapped a present.  (one year, i didn't even get my kids presents wrapped...they got their gifts in a laundry basket covered with a towel.
NO. LIE.)

i'm always gonna be in process.  and i will never be the woman i described above and i want you to know it.   because in the long run, i don't think it matters.  i have moments of perfection.  when for maybe one day, most things go right.  according to plan.  but mostly, it's just not that way.
can i still be successful without all that??
i mean, what IS perfect??
anna quindlen says this...“the thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

yep.  i like that.